Joy Can Come In Pain.

Where does a life of pain end, and a true life of joy begin? Will it never come? Could it be possible that they can mingle together? There was a time that I believed God could do anything, but He wouldn’t do it for me. Why would this powerful God who controls the entire universe, reach down and touch my pathetic life? Beloved, He taught me that He can, and He will reach down. I ask for things, but do I strive to serve Him the way I should? I fail Him daily, yet, He still shows me mercy and He surrounds me with His grace. I will not let Him go, for I need Him so much. Without Him, I will slip into the mindset I once had, dive into the life I once lived, and I would end up finishing what I started out to do, self-destruction. Despite all the things I said about Christ before I accepted Him. Despite all the demonic things I did before He pulled me from it. I called Christ a dead prophet, I bowed to demons and set fire to Gods words. But despite it all, Christ still came to me one Sunday morning in my bedroom, woke me out of deep sleep, and He saved me. He saved me from addiction, from depression, from possession, from destruction, from suicide, from hate, from eternal damnation, and He transformed me. Oh how I love Him so much. Do not give up hope for that one who is lost. Continue to pray, for I am a living testimony of the power of Christ and what prayer and faith can do. Peace can come in the midst of the tragedy. Joy can come in the midst of the heart break. Draw near to Christ now, and He will draw near to you. Hold on to Him with all you have, and when your grip begins to slip, He will hold on to you. The flesh battles with the spirit, but let Christ teach you how to war and be victorious. Do not give up, give in, or ever stop fighting. Its not in your control, let your guard down, and trust Christ to hold you up in all areas. Grace and peace be with you all.

Take Back Your Joy.

There is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness can come from watching someone or hearing something. It can come for a situation and just about anything. Joy comes from within. From a love, a passion, and is a gift from the Lord. So many of you right now are missing your joy. You are allowing worldly things or attacks from the enemy to rob you of the joy promised to you by your King. Even in the pain, joy can be there. Peace can fill you. “Lord, where are you? Why do you not hear me? Why have you left me here with this pain?”. I’ve asked these questions, and to be honest, I’ve asked these questions recently. Beloved, our Lord never leaves us, but it is us who looses sight of Him because we let our pain blind us to the point we are unable to see Him. He brings life, He restores the heart, He refreshes the mind, and revives the spirit. Do not let your pain, your circumstance, your torment, and your mental battle be confused with something the Lord is trying to show you and blind us to His eternal goodness. Pour your heart out to the one who can heal it. Lift your eyes to the one who can restore you and fill your lungs with the breath of life that only He can give. Look to Christ and do not be so blinded that you blame Him when it is not even Him doing it. Weeping is only for a season, but joy will come in the morning. I struggle daily with a mixture of emotions, a fluctuation of moods and thoughts that seem to get the best of me at times, but when I call out to my Lord, He comes to me and eases the volcano within. He places His hand on my mind and calms the overactive firing of neurons and the out of balance chemicals. He calms the depression, the sorrow, the anger, the highs and the lows, all these changes in mood can take place in just an hour, but He is always there. Beloved, your joy can be found in Christ, and the joy He gives goes far beyond anything we can understand. He brings light to the darkness and He will restore your broken heart. He is love, He is joy, He is peace, He is Christ Jesus our Lord. May His joy and peace find you wherever you are. I love you all, but He loves you far more.

Where There Is Death, Christ Brings Life.

He began to tell himself that if things continued this way, well, he just couldn’t go on. “I’m a burden and I’m no good for anybody”, he said with a trembling lip as tears began to flow down his cheeks. His head was clouded with all the pain of the past, the present, and his distorted view of his future. “What am I going to do and why won’t this stop?”, he cried as he developed a plan to end it. He was drowning and trapped by emotions he could not control; he just wanted it to end. So one night, he spent a few hours with his sister, went home, kissed his mom on the cheek and told her, “Goodnight, I love you mama”, with his eyes glazing over. He went to his room, took a bag from under his bed, and downed 150 sleeping pills, one handful after the other. He WOKE up and stared into the face of his sister; he survived. That was the first real attempt at suicide I took. Did you notice, I WOKE UP. If God is not ready for you to leave this world, you will remain. Why tell this story? Because it is a reminder of the power of God. It is also a reminder to myself of the things He done for me, the mercy He showed me, and the grace He gave me. I should have died so many times, but God. What do you feel or think? Is it peace you seek? Then seek Christ. Through the pain a future is birthed. A life is born from the tremendous struggle. Let go of the pain and stop listening to the lies of others, the enemy, and even yourself. STOP, and believe me when I say that Christ will not let you go and He is right there. Put down that blade, that gun, that rope, those pills, that bottle, and look to Christ. Oh please beloved, you are not alone. I don’t know your pain, but I’ve faced pain. I’ve been close to death and I can tell you that it’s grip is cold. Do not dance with demons or make bargains with the devil, they will only lead to your destruction. Christ is the only one to give you hope, peace, and joy like you’ve never known. Let that pain go, drop your guard, and turn to Christ. He will not let you down and you can trust Him with your heart, your mind, and your life. I love you all. Peace, mercy, and grace be with all of you.

Lost And Found.

He is the air around me. He is the beauty that I see. He is the love that is in my heart. He is the love that shattered me and tore me apart. Let me explain. It was He who shook my foundation, brought transformation, without expatiation, He gave me the gift of salvation. I am lost without my Lord and my desperation yearns to know Him more. He took me, a vile person and broke me; I am not who I was before. Before, I was lost, demonic, on the the verge of destruction that would have no sound. He reached out to me and saved me, He rejoiced when I was found. My precious Savior, oh how I love you so. You are the one I cling to. I cling to you and never let you go. I sing to you my loving and wondrous King. To you Lord, to you it is all of me I bring. It was you who searched for me, and found me, now I see, that it is nothing I would be, if you did not set me free. Why can’t they see Lord, the love you have for them is pure? Is it arrogance to refuse that you are the Christ, that you are the cure? You spoke, you speak, you reach out to them still today. But they ignore you, and reject you, and their faces from you they turn away. Do they not know that you are the answer to their pain, their acid rain, their life that is mundane, and what sin has left that is a dark stain? Let me Lord be a voice in the wilderness of despair. Send me Lord to those who suffer and let me carry some of what they bare. But through it all my Lord, you I will forever praise. Through it all my Savior, my King, to you my hands will forever raise. To you I will lift my voice with a joyful sound. Because of you my Lord, I was once lost, but now I’m found.

Let The People Of God Rise Up.

The word of God has been shut up in me like a fire. When the enemy comes up against me, I will take my sword and fight. Warriors of God, they cannot stand against us. For you see, we have a General that commands us, a mighty Champion that fights for us, a powerful Conqueror that goes before us, we have almighty God who is with us and for us. What say you? Should we run? Should we cower at the sight of the battle or in its midst? Absolutely NOT! Let us plant our feet firmly and hold our ground. Equip your armor, take up your sheild and sword, and fight through all the hurt, all the pain, all the depression, all the mental anguish, and everything the enemy throws at you. Rise up ye warriors of God. Again I say rise up. Rise out of the ashes, the oppression, the heart break, the torment, and look to your God. You will walk across your enemies and see the wrath of God consume them with Holy fire. You will witness your captivity ended and the bound freed. A time is coming when power from on high will fall on God’s people and the broken will be made whole, the shattered will be restored, and those that are dead will be made alive. I am no prophet by any means, but those with eyes to see and ears to hear should be aware of what is coming. Fire at the end was promised by the one who is faithful and true, and fire will fall to cleanse the filth from this earth. Let the people of God stand firm and sound off with a thunderous “Yes” and “Amen”. God is with us, and God goes before us. May the mercy and grace of Christ Jesus our Lord be with you.

As I Stand On The Ledge.

The water is cold tonight as I stand still in this place. I feel tired of running and fighting in this never ending race. They look down as I frown and watch me as I slowly drown. I walk by and they cast blank stares as they shuffle their feet. I want to speak to them or they to me, but the silence is so silent you can here their hearts beat. I fight, I fall, I wrestle, I crawl, it’s as if none of this matters at all and I await on my dear Lords call. Take me Lord I scream out in my desperate cry. Take me my precious Lord, take me to the sweet by and by. I stand on this ledge and it crosses my mind to leap. Would there be any who mourn? Would there be sleepless nights for them as they weep? Here I stand and at this moment I choose to let go and drown. I will take this match in my hand and shatter there dreams and burn it all to the ground. Im shut out, burned out, fought out, and swung for the last frame. Now I shut up, give up, fold up, and it is only I who is to blame. I stand on this ledge and lift my eyes to the sky and with a deep breath I jump. I died tonight by the river, for all they saw was a worthless, mashed together, pathetic clump. I was alone standing on the trap door of hell to which they were the one’s to pull the lever. I died tonight by the river, never to be heard again. Gone, gone forever.

(So many have these feelings. Maybe you are one of them. I am here for any who needs someone to talk to. Reach out. We all need someone. I love you all).

 

Pain Sometimes Goes On.

Some say that we should hold on because pain ends. But is that true? Sometimes pain stays and gets put in the back of the mind only to resurface later. We feel pain because we are alive, for if we felt nothing, we would be dead inside. In pain, I’ve felt joy. In heart break, I’ve felt peace. I’ve seen in incredible tragedies, good things happen. Granted, we must indeed hold on, but we should also reach out. And when we see others struggling, let us throw them a life raft and pull them in. Let us be the ones to reach out first in either situation. I may not be able to do much, but I will surely do all I can. Please do not sit back and watch someone drown, take the step closer to the water and toss them a life line, and if need be, jump in to take hold of them. If you are unable to help in the way you wish you could, pray for them. The silent prayer in private is powerful and touches the heart of God on their behalf. Believe that Christ will do what only He can do. Let your faith ring out with a thunderous echo so loud that the person you pray for can feel it right where they are. Dear beloved, do not give up, for the sun will rise and the mercies of God are new each morning. Find your way with Christ and watch the mountain move. But if the mountain does not move, He will give you the strength to climb over it. Have peace child as God’s presence surrounds you, and may His grace forever be with you.

From Madness To The Deliverance.

It was four years ago that I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder. I fought it for years and never knew what it was. I will share a short piece of the madness, but follow it up with deliverance. When mania struck, I lost my mind and delusions flooded in. Some may have read the story that appeared in the Newspaper. Power I never felt ran through me and I began a 5 month rampage. Who was I? I did not know. Where was I going? I did not know for sure, but I knew what I was wanting to do. I was the one who was going to usher in the wrath of God. Crazy I know, but that is bipolar mania. There is much more to this story, but let me get to my favorite part, Christ reached down. He freed me, delivered me, took it all and calmed the raging wild fire that was about to consume me. My King, Lord, Savior, redeemer, set me free from it all. A portion of what was still remains to keep me humble and aware of things on a deeper level. I see it as a beautiful chaos meant to teach me, and in turn, teach others. Strength comes through bearing the weakness. Before one fights, they must be put in a fight. Training is useless if its not put to use. The mighty champion of heaven will teach you to fight and overcome all that is in your way. Of course I faced a battle that almost ended me, or should I say, almost caused me to end myself. But I believe it was only preparation for a much bigger fight that is to come. One day I may post my whole testimony, but until then I will say that Christ never left me. He is the promise keeper, way maker, heaven stretcher, heart restorer, mind deliverer, storm calming, Holy fire consuming, forever with us King. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I love Him so deeply, because He first loved me deeply. May His grace, mercy, and peace be with you all.

Be Angry But Do Not Sin.

Burning with anger is something I use to deal with everyday. At times, my anger is still a battle. Anger, second to love, is one of the most powerful emotions and can drive us to do things that need to be done. Jesus looked at the Pharisees with anger because they said it was wrong to heal the man with the withered hand on the sabbath. Jesus entered the temple and flipped tables and drove the people out with a whip. However, unrighteous anger is destructive, both to yourself, and to others around you. My anger was explosive and I ended up doing things I regretted later. Bipolarity is no excuse for me to have pent up anger or outburst, but it does happen unfortunately. The Bible speaks of God’s anger, therefore, we have the right to be angry, but not to let it consume us. Anger, like love, is an emotion that should be expressed. Love should not be confused with lust, just like anger should not be confused with rage. It is written, “Be ye angry, and sin not” (Ephesians 4:26). The apostle Paul is speaking of a righteous anger that is not dwelt on or allowed to consume the person; the anger should be confronted, dealt with, and resolved before the sun sets. I’m sure many of you deal with anger, and if you have a mental or emotional disorder, that anger can be drastically intensified to the point where it seems it can not be quenched. In those moments, turn to Christ. Ask how to be angry, but not sin. Ask Him to teach you how to deal with your anger in a positive, constructive way. Do not let people tell you that you should not show anger, for if you do not show it or express it, it will burn inside you and destroy you from the inside out. This will most likely lead to outburst that may end up being harmful or hurtful to yourself and/or others. It’s ok to be angry and express that anger in positive ways over your passions and things you care deeply for. But if it is not important or in a number of years it will be a distant memory, do not even give it five minutes of your time to be angry over it. Do not be afraid to show your anger despite what others may say. However, when you do express your anger, think first if possible, then respond in a positive way. Control your anger, not your anger controlling you. Peace to you in the name of Christ Jesus our Lord.

Christ Has You.

I met a lady today at my appointment. She liked my hat because of the Ephesians 2:8 verse. She began to tell me her story. She lost her dad 4 years ago. 2 years ago she lost her mom. And in January of this year her house was on fire and her daughter was still in there. She tried with all she had to pull her out but had to call for help. 2 weeks after her house burned down, her daughter died because of the horrible burns. Here is what she said after she told me all of that, “Young man, I could’ve been selfish and wanted my daughter to stay, but she was in so much pain that I asked God to take her. He’s with us you know sweetie. Your here for something I struggle with too. We may have a disorder that beats us down everyday, but He’s gottcha. You just keep going baby, He won’t letcha down. He’s always there”. At this point I was on the verge of tears, but this small lady, who has faced so much, is telling me to keep going. Our paths crossed for a reason. Her faith, despite everything, was just as strong today, as it was when she had her family. Oh beloved, life is so much more than that which you see, so much more than that you can get. Life is first, about living for Christ, and second, its about people. Sure I battle, but so too does everyone else. Oh I am so ready to go home. I want to be with Christ, to be held and be rid of all this. But He is with me and I will serve Him while I’m here. With Him, hope never ends. I wanted to share this because it truly touched my heart to speak with this precious lady. For all of you, Christ is your shelter, and the word impossible is not a word for our King. One day we will be with Him, but until then, keep fighting the good fight, keep the faith, and press forward to the mark. Peace be with you all.